yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
