I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
