If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
