I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
