I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
