I am midnight drunk by noon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize