Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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