the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just tell him i said nine months
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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