WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
