a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
