if i died would you start the facebook group?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
