the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
