Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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