I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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