I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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