They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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