What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize