exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
