I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
