Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
