Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
