He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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