I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
