shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
