How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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