she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
