it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
