I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
