i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
