is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
