i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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