Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
