Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
