he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
