She is in my trunk
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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