Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
