they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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