I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
