chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
