The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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