She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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