Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
