his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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