6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
