i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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