I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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