I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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