he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
