I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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