i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
