I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
