So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
