I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
