Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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