Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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