Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
