you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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