I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
