At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
