I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
