I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize