Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize