note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
