I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
