All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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