Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
