Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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