She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
