Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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