They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
