i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
