Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
