You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
