one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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