I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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