i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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