Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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