that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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