she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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