even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
