Please, let me fuck your mom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
