something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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