happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
