Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
