I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize