Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
