I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
