This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
