I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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