Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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