Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
