Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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