smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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