i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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