Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
