my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
